We can all find it difficult to solve dilemmas in life, do I change my job / should I stay in this relationship / move house / have children / decisions around finances etc. Every time that we are faced with a dilemma we have to make a decision about what we are going to do about it, should I go left or right!
Making these important decisions can feel mentally and emotionally draining. For some even making everyday decisions can be very challenging, such as what clothes to wear, or any time when you are faced with a ‘left or right’ choice. I often work with people at my psychotherapy practice in Sheffield who ‘freeze’ when they are faced with life changing dilemmas.
Think of a time when you have had to make a life changing decision, can you remember what process you went through, how did it feel after you made the decision, did you use others to help or did you go it alone? Now think about how helpful that strategy was for you.
So, here are my five top tips on resolving any of the life dilemmas that you will enviably face at some point.
Arm yourself with all the information
By this I mean write down or think about all of the different options, even if they are ones that you absolutely do not plan to take. It’s always best to ensure that you are not dismissing any options out of hand.
Do some further research if you feel that you don’t have all the information that you need to make a decision. If it’s a job interview make sure you have read all the job specifications, talk to people that already work there. If it’s a personal decision use others in your life that you trust in order to fully talk it through.
Establish your Core Values
Write down or at least think about what your core values are. I will be making a post about how to discover what your core values are at a later date. People can have many Core Values such as trust, honesty, integrity, loyalty, bravery to name but a few. It is important to understand that your Core Values may be different in different situations. So you may most value intimacy, honesty and compassion when at home with your family but when at work you may value authentic communication, loyalty, bravery. That not to say that all these may not be present when you are at home just that you hold them closer to your heart.
Now match up your Core Values to your options, are there any that are far away from what your Core Values would be in that situation, if so then these can be ruled out.
Visualise your remaining options
Now you have managed to rule some of the options out by thinking about your Core Values visualise what your future would look like if you were to take these options. For each one notice and even record how you felt after. Did you have any resistance towards any of the options? Did you notice any physical sensations when you thought about the future?
Take notice of any resistance that you may have felt and ask yourself why. Go back and re-examine your Core Values and ask yourself if these are really the Core Values that sit closest to you in this situation.
Stop and breath
Now you have made your decision, if you need to make it there and then, stop, take a breath. Walk away from it for 5/10 minutes and don’t give it anymore thought. Then come back to it, notice if you still feel the same way or has some resistance come up? If you are finding some resistance then re-examine the Core Values that you have attached to it.
If you are able to sleep on it then do, this even more important if you are making a life altering decision. I always take time away from this process and when I come back I still feel the same way in a day or two, I am then confident that it is the right decision to make.
Now ACT!
So now that you have resolved your dilemma and come up with your resolution put it into action. Make a SMART plan, think about what the first step is in order to make it happen. This step is important especially if your are someone that is prone to procrastination. Take that first step and always remember your why (Core Values) if at any point you start to doubt yourself.
So I hope that this will help to free you up so you no longer become stuck or overwhelmed when faced with dilemmas in your life.
This is just a brief overview of how, as a Psychotherapist and Life Coach, I could help you to make overcome dilemmas and to help you on your path to success. If you want to use psychotherapy to better understand yourself to you or maybe you need to better understand how you sabotage your success contact me to discuss your individual needs.
